Life has no smooth road for any of us; and in the bracing atmosphere of a high aim the very roughness stimulates the climber to steadier steps, till the legend, over steep ways to the stars, fulfills itself.

W. C. Doane

Monday, January 2, 2012

What Once Was and What is Yet to Come

My friend Farron and I on NYE

Of course as the year ends and this new one begins, why not start with the standard review of the year passed and the one to come. What a year it's been for me. A friend of mine once told me that I'm not someone who grows slowly and gradually, I remain stagnant for periods of time and then experience very quick and steep periods of growth. I can tell you this entire year has certainly been one of growth. I began last year depressed and not understanding my place in this world. I felt as though I had been searching for a way in which to make my mark. I think I'm beging to find it in this blog, and in my activism.

Ah my I've adored being so incredibly involved in my local and global community. I love fighting to make this world a better place. I know that as I live and breathe my goal is to ensure that I am always there for those in need, to listen, empathize, validate, and to give advice when needed. For those that have been reading this blog, I'm sure you know by now that my focus has been mainly on womyn, womyn identified, transsexual/gender folks, as well as anyone else that has ever felt oppressed or isolated.

I've learned this year that the hate isn't confined to specific situations, and certain people, it's prevalent even amongst the most surprising communities. Born female, a beautiful friend of mine, "D”, recently began to identify as androgynous. As D’s politics began to shift and grow, I watched as she was shunned within feminist communities for not being female enough. I was incredibly saddened to experience first hand, as I defended this person, the discrimination and ignorance D  faces daily, based solely on the fact that she changed her first name, and pronouns from "she" to "they" or if you like, D allows us to use "he", "she", or "they" preferably interchangeably...yes i know it's confusing but I love this person dearly for the choices she's made. 

Love..well that is certainly something I've experienced in the last year,  I've written about the loss of friends that once loved me  and the absolute despair i felt after people who had been with me since childhood chose to walk away. It's incredible how shattered I felt and how difficult it was to see those morsels of my spirits scattered around me like shards of broken glass. Though I've fallen in my life more times than i care to think of, a good friend sent me this "Falling down is part of life…Getting back up is part of living" and so i picked myself back up, put back together those pieces and began to learn to love myself more truly and deeply. I grew not only in my self love but in my love for God and the feeling of utter tranquility in the knowledge of that existence. This process of self growth has been incredibly positive even gave me the confidence put myself out there a little.

Everything happens for a reason and I know now that the loss of those friends had to happen or I would have never  met some of the most wonderful people I know today. People who have given me the space to heal in many ways, by being an ear (or a set of eyes in the case of an email or text) by providing me with sanctuary, by loving me and believing in me, and never letting me down. For that I am nothing but grateful. Life has given me the opportunity to make some very fruitful lemonade from the lemons I once held in my hands.

I guess what I look to in the new year, is for this growth to continue. For my goal of helping and supporting others in need, to evolve and reach new heights. I hope for this blog to grow as I do. I've written several posts pertaining to my politics as of late but I do wish to delve back into the personal as well. I began this blog two years ago as a means of communicating with a friend of mine, in the last several months I began to feel that I wanted to increase the visibility of this blog and I hope that 2012 bring more people to this place, new faces to meet, and new stories to read, new ways to grow, learn, and reflect.

Happy New Year, folks!


  1. Happy New Year. I like this post a lot, it is very honest. I'm sure this blog will get many more new followers in the coming year!! xxx

  2. how beautifully expressed Leila... your friend is wise - "Falling down is part of life… Getting back up is part of living" - that was my grandmothers philosophy on life too...

    enjoy your life journey through 2012...

  3. happy NEW YEAR.
    You have so much deep in your writing.Keep it up.
    Visit my blog and follow each other.

  4. Hey! Thank you for the follow! :)
    Belated happy new year, stay blessed!

    Look forward to read more of your writings too. :) Take care!

  5. Happy New years! I'm pretty late but that's so sad, it sucks when you think someone is your friend and they chose to walk away from you. I hope this year is definitely better for you!