Sometimes I wonder. I wonder what it must be like to be you. So thin and perfect looking. You never have to worry about what it must feel like not to be loved. What it must feel like to be alone. You leave these dark trails in your path and does it ever occur to you who you’ve hurt in the process. I have lived my life under a vale. A vale of a smile or even that of hostility but what lies behind is hurt. Year s of buried pain. Year of feeling like I’m nobody and that I don’t matter. Not to myself or to anyone else. But you’ve never had that. The world has always welcomed you with open arms and has left you in a place where you as a person 4 years my junior can bully me and cause me hurt.
You say words that cut me and slice me open, leaving the very core of myself aching. You stand on this grand pedestal where you think you have the right, where you think you have the knowledge to tell me about my beliefs. All I have is my mind and my heart and you tear away both till I have nothing but doubt. How is it fair that you can judge me? How is it fair that you can tell me that what I believe in I stupid or wrong when it is just that, a belief.
You’ve never had to face herds of people who tell you every day how ugly you are. How stupid you and how it would be absolutely impossible for anyone to ever like you, let alone love you. I’ve experienced that. I’ve experienced pain that I hope my children never have to carry. My values my beliefs all the major concepts that make me who I am have always faced questioning. You have always been strong and firm in you beliefs and values. No one has ever questioned the standards you live by, on a regular basis. You have lived in shelter, hidden by the walls of your looks and your confidence. You have had the privilege of living in a bubble I had broken younger thatn I can remember. So next time you feel the need to ridicule me and my personal vaules remember I came from a place where I had to build my stregth, you came from one where it was nurtured and honed.
