Life has no smooth road for any of us; and in the bracing atmosphere of a high aim the very roughness stimulates the climber to steadier steps, till the legend, over steep ways to the stars, fulfills itself.

W. C. Doane

Friday, August 26, 2011

I'm no Beauty Queen I'm Just Beautiful Me!

I wish people would be more kind to themselves. We are surrounded every day by self degrading messages, we live in a world that doesn't really give you the room to grow as an individual. We are bombarded with distorted images of nonexistent people, leaving us to believe that these are the standards we must live up to. I wish i could scream out to every girl out there, You Dont Have To Live Up to These Ridiculous Standards!! Somehow we internalize this inability to live up to nonexistent standards and assume it means we are lacking. But what if we're not lacking, what if they are? Personally i love a good pizza, or Big Mac every now and again. I refuse to withhold the food i love from myself. Mind you i dont go out and buy a bag of chips every day but about once a week i'll treat myself to dinner at Hard Rock downtown or some tasty chocolate. I remember a time not long ago where i woud feel terrible for poppig anything in my mouth that wasn't a fruit or veggie. Now it doens't seem so bad anymore.

How many positive thoughts do you think a day? How many times can you look at a picture of yourself and not criticize? My hair looks gross my body looks lumpy, my breast look too small, too big, i wish i looked like...But WHY do you need to look like person X person Y Person Z? I used to look myself in the mirror daily and proceed with a million self deprecating thought about things I felt I needed to improve. I used to hate everything about myself and was so desperate for people to love me that i realized that I was trying much too hard.

I recently suffered from the loss of several friends. They all decided they no longer wanted me to be a part of their lives. They spread rumours and hate like the damn plague. I would sit alone in my bed at night and wonder what did that was so awful. I begged a pleaded for them to let me in. For them to explain to me what had made them so angry that would allow them to come to the conclusion that they would no longer forgive me. Then a realized. It doesn't matter. I'm not perfect (though i like to think i'm quite near to it ; P) The people who want to be in life will be. The people who love me will continue to do so despite my flaws.

I've recently discovered something about myself,(thanks in part to a good friend in Toronto and some folks i met there as well) a huge discovery that is actually relatively inconsequential but significant to my life nonetheless. I like myself! Sounds silly doesn't it? But it's true. I'd say i'm pretty darn awesome. Those negative thoughts that used to plague my mind. The persistent negative self talk about why i cant look like this or that, are quiter than they used to be. Even on this blog i remember writing about how much i wish i looked like someone else. I dont anymore. I want to look like me!


  1. I really enjoy this post. <3

  2. ♥ this!

    I think you're amazing just the way you are, I'm glad you're beginning to realize it again. :)

  3. Hi Leila, thanks for the comment on 20sb and my blog. I'm your newest follower. Good post, you are beautiful :). I'd love for you to follow me back at Capernaum Home. Thanks! Ashlee

  4. Thanks Ashlee, your family is gorgeous by the way :)

  5. be proud beautiful womon... it took me a long time to discover i like me too - we're constantly taught to 'aspire' to something other than who we are and what we look like - reclaiming self is a liberating thing...

  6. Hey Lelia! Found you over on 20sb. Love this post. It's not about what other people think. It's hard to remember all the time, but it's true. :) As long as you love you, others will too!

  7. Hi there! I saw your name on iz originals blog and had to come over, say hi, and ask you how you pronounce YOUR name! =0) You are only one of two other Leila's that I know! The other is spelt Leila, but pronounces it Leah. Mine is spelt Leila, but pronounce LEE-la. How about you?

    I am a new follower!

  8. Hi Leila! lol my name is pronounced Layla! thanks for subscribing!