Life has no smooth road for any of us; and in the bracing atmosphere of a high aim the very roughness stimulates the climber to steadier steps, till the legend, over steep ways to the stars, fulfills itself.

W. C. Doane

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Everything is happening and Yet Nothing...The Conundrum that is my Life

I know it's been a while sine i've written. I am feeling better but i'm also quite busy.  It's almost 3:00am here and i cant sleep. I laid in bed for about an hour until i couldn't take it anymore and decided to spend some time on the internet, so I thought i'd write.  In the meantime I got a text from a friend who also couldn't sleep, which turned in to an entire conversation, which turned into support session. I find it funny how i always manage  to end up in a space where i'm supporting someone. I have to say, i do love it. What are friends for if we're not there to support each other?

The Sexual Assault Support Center here in Ottawa has begun training for support workers and although i'm already trained, it's never enough. There's always something i can learn, always a way i can improve my skills and my ability to help people. So I've started training, which runs every Saturday and some Thursdays till June. Once training is complete I will be part of their collective!* I'll be taking shifts on a support line, I'l be doing one on one in person support work, also group sessions, I'll also be accompanying womyn either to court, the police station.... or wherever it is they feel they need someone to be with them.

 I'm so excited and really believe it's what i need to get out of my rutt. Mind you i'm also graduating from University.  I got into a program as well in Toronto. (unofficially, I've been told I was accepted but i have to wait for papers) A feminist based counseling program! I'm so elated about that, and think it'll a great way to gain the experience i'm looking for. My dream is to work at a grassroots level, helping sex workers, homeless folks, addicts, runaways....the people society gave up on, look down on, and shame.

I digress....I was talking about my life. My life is at a standstill. If it's moving forward i cant quite. Yes the graduation and the counseling program's all going so slow. I can't seem to find a job. Which to be fair is the same song and dance every undergraduate is facing. I wanted to graduate this summer but cant till November because i cant pay off my tuition fast enough, so the university will not allow me to apply for graduation. *Insert rant about the evils of Capitalism* So i'm paying it off one bit at a time.

In the meantime my goal is to constantly be working towards self growth. If i can grow as a person, if I can feel like i'm maturing or learning then I can wait a little longer till I find exactly what it is i'm looking for.

* A collective is an organisation of people working towards a common goal. There's no hierarchy within these kinds of groups.

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